Säde
by The Nurse Who Loved Me
Summary: Vamfic / Ville Valo. A romantic tragedy about Ville Valo, Bam and an OC. It involves vampires later on. It is rated M for adult themes/Sexual References - that kind of stuff.
1. Prelude To Darkness

**Prelude to Darkness**

_Come into these arms again_

_And lay your body down_

_The rhythm of this trembling heart_

_It's beating like a drum_

_It beats for you, it bleeds for you_

_It knows not how it sounds_

_For it is the drum of drums_

_It is the song of songs_

_Once I had the rarest rose_

_That ever deigned to bloom_

_Cruel winter chilled the bud_

_And stole my flower too soon_

_Oh loneliness_

_Oh hopelessness_

_To search the ends of time_

_For there is in all the world_

_No greater love than mine_

_Love, Oh love, Oh love_

_Oh love still falls the rain_

_Oh love, Oh love, Oh love_

_Oh love, still falls the night_

_Love, Oh love, Oh love_

_Oh, love be mine forever (be mine forever)_

_Love, Oh love, Oh love..._

_Let me be the only one_

_To keep you from the cold_

_Now the floor of heaven is laid_

_With stars of brightest gold_

_They shine for you_

_They shine for you_

_They burn for all to see_

_Come into these arms again_

_And set this spirit free..._

Säde – _Pronounced Sah-deh_ – A Finnish name which means ray or beam of light.

**Authors note: I (sadly) don't own anything I'm using except original characters. The song was **"**Love song for a vampire" By Annie Lennox. There is a lot more to come for this Vamfic! Thank you guys! **


	2. Mad World

**Mad World**

"_Sometimes solutions aren't so simple_

_Sometimes good bye's the only away"_

There was sunlight beaming in through the bedroom window. Ville had just woken up. He rolled over to say good morning to Bam, but Bam wasn't in the bed. He looked around the empty bedroom, the door had been left open. He sat still, propped up on his elbows, trying to see if he could hear anything downstairs. Nothing. He figured Bam was probably downstairs and he just couldn't hear him. Ville swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat up. It was 3pm. Staring blankly at the clock he wondered what had happened last night; he and Bam were pretty drunk. They'd decided it was a good idea to make homemade punch - mixing those kinds of quantities of vodka and watermelon wasn't a good idea. It might have seemed like it was at the time, but his pounding headache was telling him otherwise. With a sigh he stood up, he was still wearing his jeans from yesterday; he presumed that he had lost his beanie and shirt somewhere along the way.

Ville had looked everywhere but there was no sign of Bam. Where was he? Ville sat down in the lounge room after taking some painkillers. His headache was thumping, but he still felt like he could drink some beer. Someone had told him before that the best way to cure a hangover was to just stay drunk, and at this point in time, it didn't sound like a bad idea. God, he felt dreadful. He looked impatiently at the clock. Where was Bam? He huffed and stood up. Maybe he should try phoning again, Bam hadn't answered earlier when he tried to phone. Maybe he was busy? Ville dialled Bam on his mobile again but there was still no answer. All Ville could do was wait and hope that Bam was okay. He had no idea where Bam would be, so there was no point in going out to look for him. Ville figured that if bam left while he was still sleeping, he probably wanted to be alone anyway. This kind of disappearance from Bam had happened a few times already in the last couple of weeks, so at this point in time, it didn't strike Ville as unusual.

A couple of weeks ago April died and a year before that Phil died from a heart attack. Bam was absolutely crushed. He had loved both of his parents very much, and the factors of their deaths had just made his situation worse. Phil died because of his weight, and Bam had always blamed himself for that. Bam used to give Phil such a hard time about being overweight, but Phil had never listened to him. Ville knew that Bam thought if he'd just pushed Phil that little bit further or nagged that little bit more, that Phil would have listened, gotten healthy and still have been here today. April died a few days after the one year anniversary of Phil's death. She passed out in the house, when Bam found her he called an ambulance. She died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. There was an autopsy conducted at the hospital and the coroner said that she had died from a stroke.

Ever since that happened a couple of weeks ago, Bam had been really depressed. Ville couldn't blame Bam for that; he knew that Bam loved his parents and was understandably devastated by their loss. Ville felt hopeless in the situation because there was nothing he could do for Bam except try to be there for him, but he sometimes wondered if that alone would be enough.

Ville jumped slightly when his phone started ringing. He picked it up and checked the caller ID before he answered it.

"Hey Bam, where are you?" Ville asked with a slight sigh of relief.

"I just needed to go out for a while ya know? Just for something to do."

"Is there anything I can do or...?" Ville offered, feeling helpless and unsure of what to say.

"Nah.. I... I just needed to get out for a bit.. I'm okay..."

"Are you sure there's nothing I can do?" Ville asked again, hoping that Bam would tell him what he could do to fix everything, but sadly he knew that wouldn't happen.

"It's okay... hey, I might go out tonight"

"Yeah?" Ville was slightly surprised – Bam hadn't exactly been a social butterfly lately, and that was completely understandable given the circumstances.

"Yeah.. just for a couple drinks.. nothin' major."

"Will you be alright by yourself or..?" Ville didn't want to be pushy or pressure Bam into asking him to come along, so he left the conversation open so Bam could tell him what he wanted.

"Yeah, It's just a couple. I'm gonna shopping first, so I probably won't see you until tonight."

Ville sighed, "Okay, take care." He wanted to be more empathetic towards Bam, but he never really knew what to say.

"I'll see you tonight." Bam hung up.

Bam had lied to Ville. Even granted that it was a small lie, he still felt bad about lying to him at all. Bam wasn't going shopping like he told Ville he was. In a bout of depression he had decided to visit his parents' graves. April's funeral had only been last week. He didn't quite know if he could actually bring himself to visit their graves, but he wanted to so that he could try to get some kind of closure, seeing their graves would make all of this big disaster seem real and might even enable him to move on, but at the same time, the thought of seeing their graves made his heart wrench. He didn't want to accept that his parents were gone with no chance of coming back and he hated that he blamed himself for their deaths. Looking at the gold ring on his finger made a rush of guilt pass over him. He _really_ hated lying to Ville. They'd been together for a couple years now, they were married and Ville had even taken Bam's last name - he loved Ville. He just wished that there were some way to make it so that none of this had ever happened.

Bam glanced at the clock on the pub wall. It was past midnight. He'd been sitting here for hours drinking. He thought that maybe if he drank enough, it might make things better - or at least make the hurting stop, but it didn't. He still felt as shit as he did before he started drinking. He knew what Ville would say, "I don't think your parents would want you to be miserable because of them, they would want you to move on and live a happy and full life. That's what they would have wanted for you, Bam." With a sigh Bam stood up and left money for the barman on the bench. It was getting busy, and he really wasn't in the mood for being in a crowded pub. He just wanted to go home and see Ville. For the last couple of weeks he'd been very distant from him, and he knew how much that hurt Ville. He didn't want to push Ville away, but he didn't want to bring Ville down with him either. Ville said he didn't mind what happened, he just wanted to be there for Bam, but everything that happened just made Bam feel even guiltier. He considered himself lucky to have someone care about him so much, but he couldn't seem to move past the fact that he felt like he was pulling Ville under with him. He picked up his phone and dialled Ville's number.

"Hei," Ville answered sleepily.

"Hey..." Bam replied in a quiet voice.

"What's up?" Ville yawned down the phone. He must have woken him up.

"I just...wanted to talk to you." Bam said in a humble but stern voice.

"I'm listening." Ville replied, still sounding tired.

"I...I don't think we can be together anymore." Bam managed to choke out.

"What...what do you mean?" Ville stammered, obviously shocked by what Bam had said.

"I don't want to drag you down with me...I just can't do it to you anymore."

"What the fuck are you talking about? Where is this coming from, Bam?"

"I just..." Bam's phone cut out. Shit! He didn't realise his credit was low. He checked his wallet for change and quickly went outside to find a payphone. It was dark and cold outside so he had to use the streetlights as his guide to search for a pay phone. He seemed to recall that there was one nearby - was it at the back of the pub? He really couldn't remember. He started walking towards the back of the pub where he was sure he'd seen one before. As he walked rain began to fall from the sky. There was less light the further he walked, but he really had to make that call to Ville. At the back of the pub he saw the payphone he recalled at the end of the alleyway. He strode towards it, desperate to make that call as quickly as possible – he had to try and undo the damage he'd done as soon as he could. He picked up the phone, holding it on his shoulder with his ear, he got out his wallet to get some change. Suddenly, a man appeared out of nowhere and made Bam physically jump from fright and drop the phone. Where had that guy come from? He looked before coming down the ally and he hadn't seen anyone in sight.

"Give me your fuckin' money!" The man screamed at him while holding a knife up.

Bam froze from shock - he'd never been mugged before, his mind was trying to calculate a thousand things at once. Should he run? Give the guy his money? Throw his wallet at the guy and then run? Would he make it away in time if he ran? Would the guy even chase him if he gave up his wallet first? Bam dropped his wallet on the ground and held his hands up in front of him as an indication to the guy to take his wallet. Without any warning the guy stabbed Bam before he could start running. He grabbed Bam's wallet and ran off. Bam put his hand on his stomach and fell to his knees. He tried to yell for help but he couldn't get any words out of his mouth. He looked at his hand and saw blood running down his arm. The rain gradually got heavier as he kneeled with his hands clamped over his wounded stomach. He fell into the muddy water on the pavement and rolled onto his back. He could taste blood in his mouth and felt tears welling in his eyes. Why did he have to make that call to Ville? Why didn't he just go home like he was going to in the first place? He just hoped Ville knew this was all a big drunken mistake. He loved Ville, and he hoped Ville knew that, too. As he stared up at the black cloudy sky, he just hoped Ville knew that his last thought was of him.

**Authors Note: The lyrics at the beginning are from "Shadow of the day" by Linkin Park. The title is "Mad World" by Gary Jules. It should be noted that I will use a song name for the titles because that song in particular reminds me of the chapter, but I don't want to use the songs actual lyrics for the chapter lyrical quote (And I'm only hoping that made sense lol). Thank you for reading!! All reviews are greatly appreciated. **


	3. My Immortal

**Authors note: From here on I imagine Ville as looking like he did for Razorblade Romance – pale skin, dark longish hair, lots of pretty make up and wickedly sexy – as we all know he always is!**

**My Immortal**

"_Fühlst du nicht die wege, die dich lähmt_

_Spürst du die nicht die droge, die dich zähmt_

_Siehst du nicht die warheit, die dich quält…__" _

Ville rolled over in bed and stretched out his arm so he could wrap it around Bam. He opened his eyes once he realised that Bam wasn't next to him. A moment of confusion passed over him as he tried to remember what had happened. Slight panic set in as he realised that he didn't actually know where Bam was. Ville jumped out of bed and quickly made his way out of the bedroom and down the hallway.

"Bam-Bam?" He called out cautiously.

He paused for a moment to see if there was a reply, but there wasn't. He continued walking slowly down the hallway, vigilantly looking in the bedrooms as he passed them. There was no sign of Bam anywhere.

"Bam?" He called out again. There was still no reply. He started walking faster, fear quickly setting in.

"BAM?!" He yelled. He stopped walking, desperately hoping that there'd be a reply this time.

"What?" Bam yelled back.

Ville sighed in relief as he made his way towards the bathroom where Bam's voice had echoed from. He slowly pushed the door open and peered in to see what Bam was doing. Bam looked over at him from the sink, his face covered in shaving cream.

"You okay?" Bam asked, obviously confused as to why Ville was so worried.

"Yeah..." Ville nodded slowly, a small smile of relief crossed his face.

Bam continued to shave while Ville made his way across the white tiled floor. Ville wrapped his arms around Bam's waist and looked at him in the mirror. Bam was still looking in the mirror as he shaved and didn't respond to Ville's show of affection. Ville sighed quietly and leant down to rest his head on Bam's shoulder. Ville stood up straight again and let his arms fall limp at his side. He looked directly at Bam instead of looking at him in the mirror. Bam was unresponsive to anything that Ville was doing; he just kept shaving while he looked in the mirror. Ville put his hand out to touch Bam's arm but his hand went straight through Bam. Ville reached out again in slight confusion but his hand went straight through again. Ville stepped back, staring at Bam in disbelief. He looked around the bathroom as it started to fade. Ville looked down at the floor underneath his feet when he felt the tiles shifting beneath him. _This can't be real_, Ville thought to himself incredulity. Ville lost his balance and fell abruptly onto his back. He shot a quick glance up to see if Bam was okay, but Bam had disappeared. Ville rolled onto his stomach and started to get onto his hands and knees for support as he tried to stand, but the floor was shaking and cracking apart so violently that it was like there was an earthquake. He pushed himself up so he was on his knees, ready to grab onto the bench for support as he tried to stand upright. As he reached out for the bench the floor beneath him caved in and he fell into the black emptiness of time.

* * *

Ville felt his himself jump awake from fright. His heart was racing and sweat was running down his face. He nervously peered around the dark and empty bedroom. Had he been dreaming? He Looked at the clock and sighed. He had to get up and get ready for work because it was 8pm already. He reluctantly sat up on the side of the bed and looked around the room again. There was nothing in the room - no light, no movement, no Bam. He sighed deeply - exhaling was almost painful. The realisation that he was just dreaming and that Bam was actually gone was almost too much to bear. He found himself reminiscing back to happier times as tears began to streak his face.

_Ville and Bam had been on a drinking binge in London. They'd originally gone to London to shoot a HIM video, but because they'd gone over their budget it would have ended up being cheaper for Bam to fly the band to West Chester and shoot the video at his house, so they figured that while they were in London they might as well make the most of it before they went back to America. _

_Ville staggered down the hallway of the hotel they were staying in. Bam was lying on the ground, laughing hysterically._

_"Yo Bam-Bam!" Ville laughed as he staggered towards Bam. "What you doin?"_

_Bam was rolling around on the carpet as Ville approached him - they were both completely drunk. Bam was trying to get Ville to look at his new belt but most of what he said was almost incomprehensible. Ville leant over him, still laughing._

_"I don't fuckin' care 'bout your belt, what I care about is the booze in your fuckin' mini bar." Ville slurred as he helped pull Bam off of the floor. _

_They staggered into Bam's room and raided his mini bar. They were lying on Bam's bed drinking beer and talking about the events that had happened over the last couple of days while they were killing time before going to West Chester._

_"So, I've been carrying you around for the last two days because you lost your fuckin' shoes and this is how you repay me? With a poor bit of beer?" Ville slurred at Bam._

_Bam laughed and started pouring some of his beer onto the bed, "I might as well pour some out for my homies - obie trice!"_

_It was true; Bam had lost his shoes and decided not to buy a new pair because it'd be funnier if he convinced Ville to carry him around wherever they went for the next few days - it was also true that the only thanks he got was beer. Even so, Ville didn't have to carry Bam around, but he did. _

_"Tell them it's a religious thing." Ville suggested, thinking about Bam's lost shoes._

_" 'Ahh excuse me, we're like in a really nice hotel and you aren't wearing any shoes...' it's a religious issue, thank you." Bam laughed. _

_"I mean if you tell them it's religious you can get away with anything!" _

_"Yeah you could... you could flambé a cock and they couldn't do anything." Bam replied with a slight laugh. _

_" 'What are you doing?!' " Bam continued; sounding surprised as he imitated a woman's voice._

_"Flambéing a cock," Ville and Bam answered at same time._

_" 'But you'll go to jail!' " Bam continued in a fake high pitched voice._

_"No no, it's religious." He and Bam laughed together._

This happened before he and Bam were actually married, long before they were even together at all. Even back then he loved Bam and deep down he always knew that they would end up together. For a long time they both acted as if they didn't have any interest in each other. Ville thought that Bam was straight and Bam knew that Ville was bisexual, but he never realised that Ville felt that way about him because Ville hid it very well. They were both with various women; each denying how they really felt about each other - Bam even got married. Ville remembered that like it was yesterday. Bam married Missy in the winter of 2007. He didn't go to Bam's wedding; even just thinking about Bam and Missy together was unbearable. He couldn't have attended Bam's wedding without doing any more emotional damage to himself, and God knows he wouldn't have been able to sit there quietly during the ceremony - he would have been crying, and there was no way he was going to try and sell the idea that he was crying out of happiness for Bam, because he wouldn't have been. It was easier for him to not go to the wedding at all.

That day Ville stayed at home in his apartment in Finland. He didn't even want to be in the same country as Bam at that point in time. He got mindlessly drunk and passed out for a few days. About a week after that Bam phoned him from Dubai - while he was on his honeymoon. Ville admitted that he spoke coldly towards Bam when Bam asked why Ville didn't go to his wedding. Initially Bam was finding out if Ville was okay because he thought for sure Ville would be at his wedding and would work around any pre-existing plans so that he could be there, and normally he would have for Bam, but he couldn't - not this time. Bam must have thought Ville was sick or unwell, when Ville told Bam he wasn't Bam seemed confused at first, then he realised that Ville didn't go to his wedding for a reason, not just because he was busy (which he wasn't). That phone call was a short one; Ville had an outburst in Finnish, Bam was confused because he didn't understand Finnish and wasn't sure why Ville was getting so angry with him and then Ville abruptly said goodbye and hung up. Ville knew that Bam was upset because of what he did and said to him, but he made no apologies.

Ville stood up and made his way to the bathroom. He had to have a shower, shave and get dressed for work. He worked at a nightclub. It was a kind of underground nightclub that only certain groups of people knew about; it wasn't mainstream or well known. The crowds that it attracted consisted of Goths, people from the Cyber and Rave scenes and people who thought they were vampires. Those kinds of people had always pissed Ville off. People who thought they were vampires? Please. He had no time for people who sat in the corner of a club with fake vampire teeth, watching everyone like **they** were the weird ones. Some people who went to the nightclub had serious issues; thinking that they're vampires was probably the biggest one he'd come across yet.

Part of working at the club meant he had to always look good. He served drinks from behind the bar alongside two women. The women he worked with wore shiny, black PVC bikini tops and bottoms, fishnet stockings, black platform heels and matching rabbit ears. The uniforms that the women wore weren't meant to be Playboyesque, it was more accidental than anything. After the nightclub had started the owner wanted the women who worked behind the bar to wear something sexy, but then he felt like they needed something else as a part of their uniform to make them look that little bit sweet and the owner just happened to have a furry fetish.

Ville negotiated with the owner what he would wear to work upon being hired as a barman. Ville knew the owner quite well before the nightclub was actually opened, so it wasn't hard for him to get his own way. He had decided that it was only fair to the girls he worked with if he wore something similar to them, otherwise they might have gotten pissy about him being able to wear whatever he felt like to work when they couldn't. In the end he decided on black PVC pants with slightly flared ends, no shirt and the same shoes and bunny ears that the girls wore. It was fair on the girls and he actually didn't mind wearing it – it was sexy and complimented his toned physique. Apparently it would attract more customers if he walked around without a shirt on and served drinks in heels - it was meant to have the same affect on women as the bargirls did on men. It was good for business, which was fine because if it was good for the business and he didn't mind doing it - then there was no problem.

Truth be told, he actually really liked his job. The girls did it because it was quite good money, but he enjoyed it, money aside. Serving drinks was good, he got to listen to music while he worked, people were usually in a good mood because they were on a night out and after he finished work behind the bar he could mingle with people and hook up. This wasn't an unusual occurrence for Ville; pretty much every night he went to work he hooked up with somebody different. It had been a long time since Bam's death, and he had to do things to try and forget, or at least to stop the hurting, even if it was only for a while. This usually ended up being a fruitless quest, because having mindless drunk sex only stopped the hurting for so long.

**Authors Note: The flash back where they were in London was a real event. You can watch it on Season two of Viva La Bam on the special features – making of HIM videos. Obviously I added in my own POV for Ville in that section – I don't claim that anything I wrote actually happened or is what Ville actually thought/was thinking at that point in time. I also mixed it up a bit, the end part from where they were in the taxi I just added to the bit in the hotel room for convenience, you understand. The song quote that I used is from "Willst du frei sein?" ("Do you want to be free?") by Oomph. The English translation for that section is:**

**"Don't you feel the wave that paralyses you**

**Don't you sense the drugs that calm you**

**Don't you see the truth that torments you…"**

**The title is "My Immortal" by Evanescence. I don't own it or anything like that. Once again, thank you for reading :D**


	4. Join Me In Death

**Join Me In Death**

"_You make me perfect_

_Help me become somebody else…"_

After a night at work Ville spotted a lady standing along the back wall of the club by herself. She was impossibly beautiful, in an almost cruel way. He remembered trying to take in every detail as he approached her. He hair was long and wavy – a beautiful deep red colour. Her skin was as white as snow. She had a long black dress on that was tight around her slender frame. She had a dark shade of red lipstick on that, in a strange way, complimented the colour of her hair. He continued to approach her and almost froze when she turned and stared at him as he did. He sidled up against her, being careful to not be intrusive. In his work shoes he stood at about 6 feet 6 and she reached his chest. He leant down and invited her to dance with him. She looked up and stared at him with her icy blue eyes. Such unusually coloured eyes would normally have taken him back, but all that he could focus on was what he saw in her eyes. He always believed that a persons eyes were the window to their soul, and without even looking deeply into her eyes he could see so much loneliness. The intensity of the emptiness he could see in her eyes made him feel uneasy, it made him so sad to think that that someone had to feel that lonely. Without saying anything she led him onto the dance floor. He was so mystified by her beauty that he couldn't even speak. She didn't engage conversation with him; no words were spoken at all - no words had to be said. She placed her hands loosely on his shoulders and rested the side of her face on his bare chest; he instinctively placed his hands loosely around her hips. The music the DJ was playing was fast paced and had a heavy beat, but they didn't dance to it. They swayed slowly back and forth to their own tune. He placed one of his hands gently on the back of her head as they continued to dance. She didn't say anything, but he could feel within himself exactly how sad she was. Without even speaking to this woman he could still feel his own heart crushing with empathy for her agony. Oh God, she was so lonely - he just wanted to tell her that everything would be okay, even though he didn't even know why or how he could feel her pain or what was happening to her to cause her that amount of pain.

He remembered the events of the rest of the evening only in the most vague form. She'd looked up at him and mouthed the words "take me somewhere", and he knew what she meant – somewhere, anywhere but here. He lead her to the purple Lamborghini that he'd been driving since Bam passed away all those years ago. It was a kind of morbid reminder of what Ville used to have, but he knew that Bam would have wanted him to drive it because Bam loved his Lamborghini and would have hated to see it not being used. Ville took off his shoes and started the car and drove away from the nightclub. He had no real destination in mind, wherever she wanted to go was where he would take her.

"My name is Elizabeth." She whispered to him. Her voice was so soft and smooth to listen to that it reminded him of touching satin.

He glanced at her without saying anything. She met his glance briefly and then they both turned their heads forward and looked out the windscreen. He was vaguely watching the road as he drove and Elizabeth wasn't looking at anything in particular, she just gazed into space. He leant forward slightly and looked up at the sky in the same way that Elizabeth was. She had a kind of blank but amazed look on her face, and he couldn't blame her – the sky was stunningly beautiful; it was like rich blue velvet with millions of glittering diamonds on it, it was honestly breathtaking.

Ville took Elizabeth back to Castle Bam at her request. They proceed with the usual formalities; he got them drinks and introduced himself and they spoke idly about anything that came to mind. While they spoke he couldn't keep his eyes off her. It was confusing to be talking to her because she was so beautiful that he couldn't look away, but he was so mesmerised by her voice that he couldn't focus on anything except her voice. They eventually walked up to one of the spare bedrooms because he never took people into the room that he and Bam had shared – that room still held a special place in his heart.

Elizabeth perched gracefully on the edge of the bed after placing her glass of wine on the chest of drawers near the bed. Ville sat down next to her; he was certain he sat down a lot less gracefully than she did. She smiled softly at him when he turned and faced her. He didn't make any advances on her – it seemed that as soon as he was in a situation where he could really look at her beauty and admire it, he froze, completely astonished by her. She placed her hand on the side of his face and looked down absently at the bed they were on. After a brief moment she looked back up at him and sighed.

"Is something wrong?" Ville asked quietly.

"Wow…" She replied in an even quieter voice than he had asked in.

"What…?"

"You are so lonely, Ville." She said solemnly.

Ville laughed nervously, "Why would you think that, Elizabeth?"

"I do not think it, I know it." She sighed back at him.

Ville pulled away from her warily as she let her hand drop to her lap. It must have been obvious that he was trying to work out what she meant by what she said, and more importantly, how she guessed it. She looked up at him apologetically.

"It's okay, Ville. I have been alone for a long time, also. I know what it feels like be alone in the world." She tried to reassure him, "but it is okay now."

Ville moved himself away from her – how could she have known? It must have been a lucky guess on her part. As strange and mysterious as she was, she could not have been able to read minds… could she? Ville stared her in the face trying desperately to work out what she was playing at. She shook her head slowly at him.

"You do not need to be afraid of me, I promise you." She said, smiling gently at him.

It was so strange, because even as shocked as he was by what she said to him before, he couldn't help but to listen to her. She sounded so serene and gentle that it was hard to ignore her. She pulled herself to the middle of the bed and beckoned him to follow her. He crawled across the bed as she lied down and rested her head on a pillow. She unfolded her arm and let it fall across the bed, indicating to Ville to lie next to her. He positioned his body so that he was lying on his side next to her with his head resting on her shoulder. He draped his arm across her stomach and she wrapped her other arm around his shoulders. He closed his eyes and embraced the chill of her body. The silence shared between them was not awkward, it was like they knew what each other were thinking, or at least she seemed to know what he thought, so they didn't really feel the need to speak. When Elizabeth did speak her voice was so light that it barely broke the silence that filled the room.

"When did you lose him?" She whispered to Ville.

Ville clenched his eyes briefly in frustration – thinking about Bam was hard enough, but it just made it weird that she knew about him. She must have seen a photo on the wall when they walked up to the room and guessed that something had been going on between him and Bam. People can assume many things from seeing a picture; it was probably just a lucky guess.

"A couple years ago." Ville whispered back.

After he said that he didn't feel the ripping pain in his chest that he expected to feel. Under normal circumstances even just thinking about losing Bam made him hunch over from the tearing pain he felt in his chest, but after all, these weren't normal circumstances and she was absolutely not an average woman; everything about this situation wasn't typical. It felt so strange to be held by a woman, especially one so breathtakingly beautiful, and to feel comfortable with it. He exhaled smoothly; he was almost relaxing into the moment. She smiled to herself and idly stroked her hand through his hair. He could feel her chest rising and lowering as she inhaled and exhaled, but he couldn't hear her heartbeat. He didn't think anything of it at the time.

"You must get really sad without him…" She pondered more to her self rather than asking a question.

"It gets very lonesome, like a part of me is missing." He replied sadly.

"I do not think you can know what real loneliness is until you have lived a whole lifetime alone." She said, turning her face slightly towards his.

"It feels like I've lived a lifetime without him already." Ville said solemnly, "I don't want to be alone."

Elizabeth nodded silently to herself, as if to confirm something in her mind that he didn't know she was thinking. She pulled her arm out from under him and rolled onto her side so that they were facing each other. She ran her leg up the length of his leg and wrapped it around his waist and in a fast jerking motion she used her leg to yank him closer to her. Before he had a chance to respond she pressed her hand to the side of his face and pulled him into a soft but passionate kiss. He shuddered from the shock of how cold her skin was; it was like marble; so smooth and pale, but so cold that it would cause discomfort to any normal person. Ville pulled away from her, trying to catch his breath. It was amazing – even kissing Elizabeth for such a short length of time left him breathless. It was slightly shocking to think that no one had left him that breathless since Bam, and yet here was this woman he didn't even know doing exactly that.

"I do not want to be alone either." Elizabeth told Ville softly.

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her tightly against his chest. She wrapped her hands around his face and pulled him into another zealous kiss. Only seconds after taking his face into her icy hands she pushed him away and threw her hands over her eyes. She rolled onto her back and wailed as if she was in pain. Ville put his hands on her shoulders and shook her slightly.

"Elizabeth, what's wrong?"

Elizabeth stopped and lied still without taking her hands off of her eyes. Ville watched her closely, trying to work out what to do. She breathed deeply and quickly, as if she was panting from exhaustion.

"Are you alright, Elizabeth?" Ville asked unsteadily.

Elizabeth took her hands off of her eyes and put them back around his face. Ville almost pulled away from her, afraid that she might have another fit if she touched him again. She smiled softly at him. Ville couldn't help but to smile back at her, her smile was so uplifting. Elizabeth closed her eyes and looked as if she was thinking about something. Ville sighed lightly in relief, she had given him a real fright before, but she seemed okay now. Her eyes shot open and she stared directly at Ville for a moment. Before he could say anything she lunged at him with her teeth bared. Out of reflex Ville tried to shove his arms in front of him to block her attack but she had already pushed him onto his back and had him pinned down. Ville tried to push her off but he couldn't move her no matter how much force he tried to put behind his shoving. Elizabeth pressed her hand on the side of his face and forced him to turn his head to the side. He tried to keep fighting her off but it was a losing battle, he couldn't comprehend how it was even possible – she was half his size! Ville felt himself jolt from an unexpected bout of pain. He tried desperately to push her off again when he felt her teeth sink into his neck a second time. He gasped when she forced her teeth through what little flesh he had on his shoulder. He wanted to try and fight her off but his body was losing will to, even if he wanted to he physically couldn't have. With every second that passed he felt himself getting weaker, more and more unable to fight. In his mind he was still trying to fight Elizabeth off, but his limbs wouldn't obey his minds commands – he couldn't move at all. Elizabeth took her hand off of his face once she was sure he was unable to move. Ville twitched beneath her, some movements his own, some involuntary. She wrapped her fingers around his chin and turned his face toward hers.

"I _am_ sorry, Ville. I know that it hurts - but I had to be sure that you could not get away." She looked away from him briefly and then turned back to him, "This will not be pleasant, but I have to do it before you die to make sure you will wake up again."

Ville stared at her; fear and confusion filled his eyes. He was all too aware that he was completely paralysed and couldn't stop Elizabeth in any way. She clasped her fingers on his cheeks and used her palm to hold his mouth open. He watched in horror as she lifted her other arm up to her face and sunk her teeth into her own wrist. Ville watched her fearfully; her mouth was now covered in blood. She lowered her arm down towards his face and then pressed her bleeding wound against his open mouth. He wanted so desperately to pull away from her arm but he couldn't move at all, even breathing was getting difficult. When he felt her cold blood running down his throat he started gagging. Elizabeth placed her hand under his chin and held his mouth shut so that he had to swallow it. After he swallowed the blood she used her hands to cup his face. She closed her eyes and kissed his forehead.

"You can not know what real loneliness is until you have lived a whole lifetime alone." She whispered to him again.

She looked him in the eyes; her icy blue eyes begged his forgiveness. "When you wake up, you will be dead – but your mind will not know it yet."

Ville could feel his breath getting weaker, even the small breaths he took were laboured. She placed the palm of her hands over his eyes. In that moment of darkness, all Ville could feel was the pain pulsing through his veins, with every heart beat he felt his veins growing even hotter. After his veins started burning his only hope was that he would die soon; he just wanted to be put out of his misery. As his breathing got even more forced he was sure he would die soon; he _hoped_ that he would die soon. Ville felt his heart skip a beat when his mind was suddenly filled with flashing images. The images that filled his head were moving too fast to know what they were – they were just a blur of colour, like a movie in fast-forward. The blur of colour abruptly ended and shortly after he felt his heart start racing. He felt himself start panicking; he thought he was having a heart attack – he felt like his heart was going to explode in his chest. He felt his heart starting to jerk violently, if he could have screamed he would have. His heart was sending sharp stabbing pains through his entire chest and his body felt like it was on fire. His mind was trying to process what was happening to his body but he felt like his body was going to melt from the immense burning he could feel. Just as he was ready to try and beg for death, everything went black.

**Authors note: "Join me in death" is by HIM (of course ^_^). The lyrical quote is taken from "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails. I feel like this chapter came out quite well, so please let me know what you think! I might feel like it came out better than the previous chapters did, but I won't know unless you tell me – so thank you for reviewing (I love it lol) – I take all feedback/critique into serious consideration! ^_^**


	5. Killing Loneliness

**Killing Loneliness**

"_Silence, can you hear me?_

_Press me to your lips and I'll suck the poison out..."_

Ville remembered death very well; sometimes he even longed to feel it again. He realised now why so many people spoke about "the sweet embrace of death" and such things. It used to seem like a morbid way of looking at it, but it was true – death _was_ like an embrace. The most vague way to describe it was like being held in the arms of someone you truly loved and not having any worries or any pain in the world. Death was so relaxing and free – it was like being in a place where there was no fear, no pain and no loss. It was like an out of body experience; you were still yourself – just in a completely pure form that was free of any heartache, thoughts or memories. The memory of death reminded him of being asleep – one of those nights where you fall asleep easily, don't dream and don't wake up in the night, just one long strip of tranquil rest, except in death there was never any subconscious thought that at some point you had to wake up, that was never there because death was final – you couldn't wake up from death… or so he thought.

It had been almost fifty years since that fateful night; Ville remembered it like it was yesterday. Waking up from that death like sleep was horrendous. When he woke up he jerked his body across the bed, gasping for air. He felt like his lungs were on fire, craving oxygen. He was trying to gasp for air but his body didn't respond; his lungs didn't expand and his heart didn't beat. After lying on the bed in anticipation of once again dying he went into shock and didn't move for what felt like hours. Even after fifty years of being undead it was still hard for him to accept that he should be dead and would continue to live but would never actually be alive again. It took him ten years to even be able to freely say the word "vampire" without cringing at the thought. What else could it have been though? He was now literally white as death, he was no longer able to eat food without throwing it up, he had higher than average reflexes and senses, blood seemed strangely alluring and sunlight burnt his eyes and blistered his skin. Vampire.

Even though he was undead, Ville lived in fear of death for the next twenty years. He resided inside Castle Bam, which Bam had left to Ville in his will. No one ever came to Castle Bam anymore. Ville broke all connections with the people he and Bam knew, he couldn't ever take the chance of someone seeing him like this or finding out what happened to him. All of his and Bam's friends probably felt very bitter towards Ville now, but he had no choice except to drive them away. He had to isolate himself; there was no other option available. If he thought that it was possible to keep those people in his life after what had happened to him, he would have – but he couldn't. He had a seven-foot high brick wall built around the fourteen-acre property that Bam had bought so many years ago. It wasn't built for protection; it was so he could keep people out and stop anyone from ever stumbling across Castle Bam, then he could live in total isolation.

Ville stretched out on the sheep wool blanket on his floor. The blanket that was once white and fluffy had deteriorated from decades of use, but it still held a strange and comforting feeling that Ville couldn't go without. Ville lied on the worn out blanket every day. He would peer out at the black sky from his bedroom window until the sun rose and illuminated the huge forest surrounding Castle Bam. When the sun took over the night sky and lit up everything its radiant beams touched, Ville would retreat. Since being taken by Elizabeth so many years ago, he couldn't withstand the suns once magnificent rays. He had tried so many times to go back into the sunlight that he once loved so much, but now it blistered his skin and burnt his eyes. It was simply unbearable to think that the things he once loved in life were being taken from him one by one. It was a cruel fate to wait for every day of what he now called his life.

He sighed deeply, knowing that it was going to be another day of pathetically trying to sleep, but never being able to. Ville rolled onto his back and stared blankly at the ceiling. How many days would he spend pathetically trying to sleep, knowing that he couldn't? How many years would he spend miserably trying to hold onto his human habits, knowing that he would never gain anything from them? How many decades would he have to spend alone, knowing that it was the only way? It was all too much. Ville huffed impatiently and rolled back onto his side, resting his face on the top of his arm. He knew he had to do something to occupy his mind; otherwise he would spend the next twelve hours tortured by his relentless thoughts.

Ville unwillingly pulled himself off of the blanket and sat on the side of his queen sized bed. He pulled open the top drawer of his bedside dresser and pulled out his usual pair of sunglasses. He smiled, chuckling slightly when he thought about his maid. If he came out of his room during the day he had to wear sunglasses because the maid insisted on opening the curtains around the house to let sunlight come in through the windows. Ville didn't mind, really. The maid was a pleasant, middle-aged woman who didn't talk much and did her job. He'd hired her a few years ago to keep the house clean – after decades of not cleaning Ville decided to hire a live in maid who was smart enough to keep to herself and mind her own business, which she did.

Ville walked slowly down the stairs, barely making any noise as he descended. He could hear the maid in the kitchen fumbling around and clanging pots and pans. He slid around the corner and watched her for a minute. She was stirring something in a giant pot on the stove and humming to herself.

"Good morning, Natalie," Ville greeted her quietly.

"Ville!" Natalie gasped as she spun around, "You scared me, Ville. I didn't hear you come down."

Ville smiled lightly, "I'm sorry, Natalie."

Natalie stood up straight and took a step forward to the kitchen bench. She continued cutting and grating a bag of carrots. Ville grinned mischievously at her.

"It looks like you've been busy," He smiled as he peered down at her gravy covered t-shirt and sweat pants.

"I've just been getting the dogs food ready," She smiled back at him.

Since Ville had money and no longer had the need to eat food he insisted that his pet dogs should at least have the luxury of nice food. Of course Natalie didn't know this, she was just told that he liked to treat his pet dogs well and since he had the money to do so, then why not? Natalie never questioned anything he said, even when he was blatantly lying to her. Over the last few years she seemed to have developed a soft spot for Ville, always trying to treat him well and look after him. Ville had to admit that he'd grown fond of her company. When the day came that he had to kill her it would be very sad indeed.

"Would you like something to eat?" Natalie asked him quietly, adequately aware that he was probably very hung over.

Ville shook his head slowly and raised his hand to decline her offer. He wasn't hungover, but even so, the thought of eating food made him feel ill. Whenever he tried to eat food it made him vomit; for some reason his body just couldn't handle it anymore. Even the thought of vomiting made his stomach churn.

The day went as slowly as ever. Ville slouched across the couch, aimlessly flicking through the channels on the television. He briefly heard Natalie walk behind him and out the front door to feed the dogs. Ville crossed his arms and closed his eyes. God, he was bored. Natalie stood behind him in the lounge room.

"Did you want any dinner, Ville?" She asked him quietly.

He gave her the same answer he always did, "No thank you, I'll get something later on."

Natalie silently left the room to finish whatever she was doing. Ville groaned and childishly let himself slip off of the edge of the couch and onto the floor. He relaxed and allowed his body to ease into the soft rug on the floor. He listened to Natalie, going back and fourth numerous times with rubbish bags and mop buckets. He lied there for what felt like hours until he heard the late night news on the television, prompting him to open his eyes. He watched the blonde woman on the news carefully as she spoke.

"…Local girl, Sadie Clark has been missing for two months and local police fear the worst."

Ville closed his eyes again. It was all you heard on the news now "Local girl missing, worst feared – found dead". It was always the same.

Ville closed his eyes again and allowed himself to rest. He never really slept, not in the true sense. Usually he would just close his eyes until he zoned out enough to feel like his mind was at ease, at least enough to allow his mind to stay free from any thoughts for a while. Sometimes it felt like the only thing that kept him sane.

He wasn't sure how long he'd been making a vague attempt at sleeping for. He heard Natalie walking around the house, flicking lights off before she went to bed. After so long Natalie learnt that no matter how many times she woke him up in the night, if he was on the floor asleep she should just leave him, because he would never move to his room to sleep. Ville didn't really see the point, it's not like he was really sleeping anyway. It was more interesting to rest in the lounge room and listen to the television while he did that. To some it may have defied the purpose of trying to sleep, but he found that he could absorb the television while he was resting, and it really didn't affect his rest in any way.

Ville pulled his coat tighter around his body, feeling colder than usual. He always had a constant feeling of being cold, but some days it affected him more than others, it just depended on how well he could block out the thought of always feeling like he was freezing. Ville opened his eyes when he heard Natalie, trying to sneak past him.

"What are you doing?" He questioned her suspiciously.

"Oh, Sorry Ville, I was trying not to wake you up." She apologised, "I just thought I heard the dogs barking and wanted to make sure they were okay."

"They always bark, Natalie. It's really nothing out of the usual." Ville assured her.

"I might just check anyway." Natalie insisted.

Ville watched Natalie walk out of the room and heard her footsteps as she approached the front door. He listened as she unlocked the front door and started to walk outside. Ville stayed where he was, he wasn't going to make an attempt to go outside when he was sure there was nothing unusual going on. He lied there for a few minutes with his arms still wrapped around his body. Ville's eyes flew open, startled, as he heard a gut wrenching scream echo through the hall from outside. Natalie, he thought, as he jumped up off the floor. Ville ran to the front door and flew outside into the cold night air, trying to see where Natalie was. Natalie was half way down the driveway, watching the dogs in horror as they mauled something they had pinned underneath their rigid muscular bodies.

"Ville!" Natalie screamed helplessly, "Help!"

Without thinking, Ville sprinted towards the pack of snarling animals, unable to see what they were tearing at. Ville launched himself at them, yanking at their bodies viciously, as they were the helpless creature beneath them. He punched and shoved at the dogs, desperate to get them to stop and leave what they were killing alone. The dogs yelped as he threw punches to their heads and bodies, eventually they backed down and realised that Ville was asserting his dominance over them. Ville gasped in horror when he saw a bloodied, dirt covered body lying on the ground in front of him.

"Natalie," He called out wearily to the woman. "Quick…"

Natalie moved closer to the bloodied heap on the ground, but stopped only meters away, covering her mouth as she retched at the sight. Ville knelt down next to what looked like a female body, but it was hard to tell in the dark. He held his hand over her open mouth, and could feel warm shallow breaths escaping her mouth. He pressed his fingertips to her throat and felt a faint pulse. The blood covered body beneath him let out some weak coughs in between desperate gasps for air. Ville knew that if he was going to save her he would have to act quickly, time was of the essence. He looked around, scanning his surroundings quickly. There was no sign of anyone that had been with her or any clues as to why she ended up here, but whoever she was – she wasn't meant to be here.

**Authors note: In relation to what Ville looks like and how he lives think of the "Kiss of dawn" video clip.**


End file.
